About Kinjal S Shah

Kinjal S Shah has been a member since April 18th 2010, and has created 2 posts from scratch.

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Neuro Linguistic Programming – A Great Parenting Skill to Acquire in Modern Times

Parenting has been going on since the beginning of humanity, but many parents still feel they must reinvent the wheel over and over again and count on some mysterious instincts they are supposed to have. Parenting is at first a physical challenge, then slowly; it morphs into a mental challenge. However it is highly desirable that parents do use child-centred, non-directive play, as a part of their parenting activities. This requires special Parenting Skills.

For many people, parenting their kids is one of the most fulfilling feelings in their life. Parenting skill is all about knowing your parenting personality. This is important as it helps you discover how your personality motivates the way you behave as a parent and how your child’s personality interacts with your own. As times have changed – parenting has become more refined and several parenting skills and techniques are available to make the process simpler and less stressful. Below is one of the most effective and contemporary parenting skill; that can give you complete parenting satisfaction.

Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP was begun by Dr John Grinder and Richard Bandler in the mid 1970’s and Neuro-Linguistic Parenting (NL Parenting) is a parenting skill that takes the essence of NLP and applies it to parenting circumstances. First let us understand what is NPL? NLP is the study of how people know what they think they know and how they do what they do (as opposed to ‘why’ they do what they do). NLP processes can be used to explore beliefs. NLP explores the relationships between the way we think (Neuro), the way we communicate (Linguistic) and our patterns of behaviour (Programming). Our minds, bodies, emotions, beliefs, knowledge and memories are all present and active simultaneously. NEURO is our “Nervous System” through which experience is received and processed via the five senses. LINGUISTIC is our language and nonverbal communication systems through which neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning. PROGRAMMING is the pattern of manifestation of our neural codes and communication.

NL Parenting is the parenting skill with a main goal of dissemination of the necessary processes and information to assist parents in achieving personal congruence. It is all about generating options from which we can choose, so it is the finest system we have for learning how to relate to children in creative and congruent ways. NLP in Parenting helps foster better communication between parent and child.

NL Parenting works quicker with children and adolescents simply because their nervous system is still in the process of integrating those inner messages so they can be helped to delete and replace them quicker. From an NL Parenting perspective the roles of a parent are; to manipulate contexts so that children can learn or play in relative safety and to model or demonstrate exceptional behaviour and congruence. NL Parenting is the parenting skill which provides parents with a framework that helps their children to get along with others and in the process make parenting an enjoyable experience.

We are often taken aback with the way our kids change their behaviour when moving from one stage of their life to another or even within their individual life stages. Our 11 year old child who was dependent on us for all decisions suddenly becomes independent by the time they cross 13. Our infant who was howling a few minutes ago is smiling and giggling away now. Children are experts at changing states. The first step to developing NL Parenting Skill is to understand the state of our child. It is like putting yourself in the shoes of your child and understanding how they think, their needs, what is driving their behaviour (good or bad) and what are their frustrations.

This parenting skill can be achieved by anchoring – which means associating their current state with their beliefs and surrounding. So if your 3 year old knows that by creating a tantrum they will get what they want, you need to understand that creating a tantrum to have their way is the belief that your child has developed. If you put yourself in their shoes, you will be able to point to various instances where they have got a better of you just because you gave into their tantrum. These instances were the key to development and reinforcement of their beliefs. It is very important to remember that even though you feel that creating a tantrum in this instance is bad behaviour – your child definitely sees it as giving them benefits. Hence there is an incongruence of your beliefs versus your child’s.

Knowing their belief and understanding the physical stimulus for the same is the second step to acquiring NL Parenting skill. However, anchoring is not the end of the process. By anchoring you will now be able to identify the beliefs and the physical stimulus that you want to change. So the goal of the first two steps is not to leave the state unchanged, but to find a way to change it that preserves some elements of its benefits. So if your child has created a tantrum to have a chocolate, you can try and negotiate with them to complete their dinner first and then allow them to have a chocolate – such that you get some benefits out of the situation.

The final step of NL Parenting skill is the process of achieving permanent transformation in your child. Here coaching skills play a very vital role. Coaching comes in when a situation arises that displays a gap between, what the environment is asking and what skills the child may lack. Coaching skills give parents the tools to build on their relationship with their child and to create opportunities for courageous conversations. Acquiring the right coaching skills is important as it helps parents to identify their governing values and standards, which establishes the basis of their parenting decisions. It helps to transform your awareness about your child’s behaviour, it energizes your child’s successes, that promote desired behaviour and it identifies & creates qualities that would not have otherwise existed. So in the above example, through coaching parents can create a complete different external stimulus for the child – like say need for healthy teeth – and steer them away from demanding chocolates and creating tantrum for them all the time.

Finally NL Parenting skill doesn’t prescribe any single parenting ideology, but identifies models of parenting excellence and skills and tactics that progress us to more gentle and respectful parenting. It helps you to recognise your parenting strengths, weaknesses and beliefs and allows you to become a true guide and mentor to your child.

For more tips on parenting refer to my free e-book “New Parenting Style” on http://www.newparentingstyle.com/index.html

The author is a successful marketing executive in a large consumer good company and a mother of two boys. She has had a rough ride in the past two years and has successfully saved her family from the brink of disaster by working on her parenting style. She has recently built a website http://www.newparentingstyle.com, which touches upon some effective parenting tips that have helped her in her success.

Author: Kinjal S Shah
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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Parent Stress – Recognise the Causes and Deal With it!

Stress is defined as any physical or emotional demand that you feel unable to handle. While some stress is a normal part of life, excessive stress interferes with your productivity and reduces your physical and emotional health, so it’s important to find ways to keep it under control. Parenting Stress is defined as those moments when life as a parent seems overwhelmingly unpredictable and uncontrollable. Parenting stress is important because it has been shown to be related to maltreatment and poor parent-child relationships. Parent stress is the single largest contributing factor to dismissive parenting and is also associated with a negative mood, which in turn may lead to parents’ negative attributions of children’s behaviour and to low tolerance of children’s misbehaviours. As a result, Parent stress is a Kid’s Stress. Thus, understanding the precursors of parenting stress is important because of the potential implications for child development and adjustment, as well as parental adjustment.

One of the best ways to deal with stress: Find your stress sources and stay AWAY from them. Knowing what causes you stress is powerful information, as you can take action to make it less stressful. Some of the common causes of parent stress are:

Social Isolation: It’s not that parents don’t enjoy their children or their roles, but the emotional toll of parenting can be high, partially because parents today are often relatively socially isolated and don’t always have support from the community or even their extended family. Parenting stress is negatively significantly correlated to social support. Lack of someone to share with (especially in single parenting) can cause significant parent stress.

Self Neglect: Parenting stress is caused by us neglecting our own needs. Always putting yourself and your demands at the bottom of the list, would result in piling up of frustrations, which can cause significant stress. This could ultimately end up in complete neglect of your surroundings and even your children as your basic needs are not met.

Financial Difficulties: In difficult times like we face today, loss of job or excessive debt can cause stress especially if you have children to fend for. Even if you are not facing difficult times, parenting stress is strongly affected by the perception of financial hardship. A core feature of parenting stress is the idea of a balancing act between the parent’s perception of the demands of this role and access to available resources for meeting these demands.

Lack of regard for child’s feelings: It is not the need to set limits with children that causes problems; it is the repeated disregard for a child’s feelings and needs in favour of demanding obedience and compliance with parental requests which can stunt emotional intelligence and development. This is especially true in case of teenagers; where such strict approach can lead to rebellion and cause parent stress.

Since stress is unavoidable in life, it is important to find ways to decrease and prevent stressful incidents and decrease negative reactions to stress. Half of the parental stress can be reduced if parents only change their perception. Once you realize that life will not always go as planned, you can begin to reduce some of the stress that comes with being a mom or a dad. Some of the common ways in which you can effectively deal with parent stress are:

Managing time and organise yourself: Time management skills can allow you more time with your family and friends and possibly increase your performance and productivity. To improve your time management, save time by focusing and concentrating, delegating, and scheduling time for you. Breaking a big task into smaller one and prioritising the broken down tasks will in fact reduce the challenges involved in completing the tasks. This will keep you more focussed and you will be able to relax and take better care of your kids, rather than constantly worrying about the tasks at hand.

Eat well & exercise: Exercise is an important component stress management program. Regular exercise is one of the best stress reducers. Taking slow, deep breaths can help slow your heart rate and reduce tension. Regular exercise improves flexibility and also helps to lower blood pressure and cholesterol and is an excellent combination and part of your stress management campaign. Breathing exercises, walking, cycling, stretching exercises can help to reduce stress while, punching, kickboxing are most effective to relieve stress and also tension. A well-rested, exercised, healthy body is better prepared to reduce stress. Finally, healthy meals can become an important factor in limiting your stress.

Stop abusing your body: One important stress management approach is to stop abusing the body. Take care for yourself as well as the children – keep a sense of self apart from your role as a parent. Do not over stretch yourself – say NO when it is not possible to cope. Simply learning to not stretch too thin and only commit to activities/projects/people that you care about can work magic in reducing stress. Ask for help when it becomes impossible to keep up to the routine. Just because you have kids does not mean that you have to be a super parent. Take time out for you – a planned break, be it for 5 minutes or a vacation for 2 days, will reduce the harmful effects of stress.

Change behaviours depending on the stage of your child’s life: You need to recognise the fact that you cannot maintain the same relationship with your child all the time. As a toddler or baby the child is more dependent on you, so you can take more control of their life and decide for them. But kids become more independent as teenagers and hence you need to give them space. A closer and mutually supportive parent-adolescent relationship and better communication between parents and adolescents are associated with lower levels of parenting stress. Your stress level will be greatly reduced if you can talk with your child, especially when something is bothering him or her. Recognizing their need and allowing teens the time they need to be with friends or alone, can reduce parental stress.

Share: Sometimes the best stress-reducer is simply sharing your stress with someone close to you. Social support is the positive support you receive from family, friends, and the community. Just knowing you have some people who are willing to assist you in times of stress will reduce your stress level. It sounds trite, but it is also true, that a problem shared is at least a problem reduced.

But perhaps the best way to combat early parenting stress is simply to accept it. Parent stress is nothing to be embarrassed about. Successful parenting comes from within, with an insight and inner values. Reduce stress in your life and start having fun with your kids again.

For more tips on parenting refer to my free e-book “New Parenting Style” on http://www.newparentingstyle.com/index.html

The author is a successful marketing executive in a large consumer good company and a mother of two boys. She has had a rough ride in the past two years and has successfully saved her family from the brink of disaster by working on her parenting style. She has recently built a website http://www.newparentingstyle.com, which touches upon some effective parenting tips that have helped her in her success.

Author: Kinjal S Shah
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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