Is there such a thing as bad parents? I am not talking about parents with criminal tendencies, but parents whom there their peers perhaps wrongly judge as bad parents. Of course there are tales of horrendous abuse, but that is not what I am aiming to deal with in this article. I suggest there is no such thing as good or bad parents, simply the fact of more or less effective parenting.
It can be difficult, especially if you are a first-time parent because invariably you will face unknown situations. Sometimes parenting books and magazines don’t help because you can’t seem to remember just how to deal with the issue as it was dealt with in the magazine, and of course no two situations are identical. However it is good advice to make an effort to read these articles because they will help you form a general approach to some of the situations you may face.
Effective parenting starts with the parents, or parent, deciding on a parenting plan. Now this can take a bit of time and effort to develop, but that does not have to be something rigorous and concrete. It should be something flexible which tries to take into consideration the probable events that will occur through the child’s life to adulthood. Invariably the parenting plan will be largely individual to the child’s needs.
Usually it is discipline that will cause the biggest dispute between parents. Smack, or not to smack, (and in some countries it is actually illegal to do so whether you agree with it or no), can be an emotive issue. Some parents adopt the attitude, ” it didn’t do me any harm and kept me on the straight and narrow”, while others believe it is a hindrance to effective parenting because it teaches physical violence.
There are arguments for and against including the Biblical argument of spare the rod and ruin the child. My own personal opinion is that people should look carefully at systems of behaviour that have worked for generations before rushing to change things, especially if there are two opposing views that have worked well for a period of time, and the factors of culture and economic conditions must be carefully considered before a decision is made.
To the best of my knowledge there is actually no concrete information as to long term detrimental effects of spanking, and I am talking about spanking, not a hammering or thrashing or caning as some children were known to have received. I was spanked at home, and I was caned in primary school classes for sometimes quite trivial matters. That I most definitely do not condone. However I do believe that it should be a parental choice and not a legislative order.
Another area of conflict and discontentment in effective parenting is the over or under involvement of one parent. It is usually the male parent who is at fault in this situation and evenings and weekends seem to be the contentious times. If one parent ends up shouldering less of the work and responsibility then not only is there a lack of bonding with the child, but also a build up of resentment naturally from the other parent. Sometimes the cause is simply a lack of income and one parent needs to be working to make ends meet. If this is the case in your family and this is something that needs to be addressed either to lessen the burden on one parent, or to more effectively involve both parents in their child’s life, and yes, sometimes it’s easier said than done.
Effective parenting is actually a lifestyle that you have to work on day-to-day. It’s about communication and allowing everyone to have their say. It will be different from one family to the next. Not all families have two parents. Most parenting books and magazines tend to concentrate on a number of married couples and if you fall outside this group and same-sex parents, a single parent, or a woman over the age of 45, it can be difficult to decide on your effective parenting style.
Effective parenting advice is everywhere, and becoming any good effective parent is something we can all achieve with a little help and guidance. Child experts and psychologists believe that most parents have the ability to make reasonably good choices as to what is best for their children, and it’s just a matter of being aware of the information and guidance and doing your best to take it into consideration with your choices.
Mark McGimpsey is an Internet Marketer and Author who owns and manages several entrepreneural websites, including UltimateHealthAndFitness.com, a website dedicated to conducting product reviews, and HealthyFoodsAndEatingHealthy.com, a website dedicated to healthy eating. Go here for some great health tips or a good eating healthy tip.