It is easy for a child to walk up to you and state exactly what they need or want. Later, you may notice that your pocketbook is empty, you are running your children around at all hours, and you do not have the ability to finish exactly what you need. If you have become a part of this habit, you are most likely subjecting your child to a permissive parenting style.
Understanding the boundaries to create, as well as the abilities that you should give your child can assist you to be more effective in helping your children learn what is needed and will break this problem, instead of your pocketbook.
The idea of permissive parenting is based on giving your children exactly what they want, without setting the boundaries that are needed for healthy relationships or everyday functioning. If you are using permissive parenting, you are most likely one who does not practice the response of saying no or do not limit what your child can or can not do.
Types of Parenting Styles
There are several types of permissive parenting styles that may be actively occurring in your family. The first is general confused permissiveness. This particular type of permissive parenting is the most common among all styles of parenting. This particular style creates a barrier between parents and their children. Most often, parents will not have an idea about what their children are going through both in a social setting as well as at home. The result is that the child or teenager has the advantage of getting whatever they ask for.
The second type of permissive parenting is compensatory parenting, meaning that the parent will try to compensate with the child or teen when they say they want or need something. This is said to be a psychological result that occurs with parents who grow up in homes that do not have what is needed because their parents were too strict or because they did not have the material needs. The result is that the parents feel they should give their child anything they want or need in order to better their childhood experience.
Permissive parenting can also take other forms of psychological reactions as well. Conditional permissiveness is one that occurs when a parent is free to give the child what they want. However, when this is done, the parent will set conditions in order for the demands of the home to be met. Outside of psychological terms, this is often referred to implicit or explicit bribery. For example, if a child receives good grades, does their chores, or mows the lawn, they will receive material rewards.
Indifferent permissiveness is the last type of permissive parenting that is known to be a part of this particular style. One example of this is if there is a parent or parents that are busy with their jobs, lives, and other activities. They become indifferent to their child by giving their child what they need in order to stay out of the way. Because they are so busy with their own lives or problems, they ward off their children by giving them what is needed materially, instead of being effective in their parenting.
All of these types of permissive parenting – while they can be used to certain extents – are generally going to cause a disaster when used too much. It gives the child or teen a lot of room to take control over the family and to do what they want with no consequences. The result is that they move away with no life skills and come up with a belief system that is controlled over material goods. Some responses from children include low self-esteem, power struggles, and inabilities to work with the right expectations.
Getting Out of Permissive Parenting
If your definition of permissive parenting fits one of these descriptions, it is most likely time for you to begin shifting the environment of your home. You need to change your parenting style to assertion. While permissive parenting can be effective in some situations, it will most likely cause a negative reaction if boundaries are not established between you and your child.
The first thing that you will have to do in order to shift the permissive parenting style is to set certain rules and decisions in place. This shows that the parent has the ability to tell the child what is acceptable or not acceptable in specific situations. All of these should be towards benefiting the child or youth and can begin to help them make concrete decisions that are reasonable.
The major concept to keep in mind with permissive parenting is that your child or teenager should be obligated to specific rules or limitations without being influenced by money, materialism, or benefits. If you notice there are inappropriate behaviors being shown or you notice certain everyday situations are not involved with what your child needs, then you need to begin to shift to a more balanced approach of parenting.
Learning the balance of parenting is not one that magically occurs over night. If you have found that you are beginning to get in habits that are not inclusive with what your child needs or conducive with specific rules that should be followed in your home, then it is best to begin to shift your role and your duties as a parent to one that teaches your child about specific ideas and expectations that are necessary. Beginning to shift an alternate attitude from permissive parenting will help to establish a better foundation of ideals for your child.
Joshua Uebergang gives you more tips and help with parenting styles at his website TowerOfPower.com.au Be sure to get more communication skills, parenting techniques, and relationship-enhancing skills by getting your free subscription to his good communication skills newsletter.